Mindbender

this morning i woke up with a huge smile on my silly sleepy face..

and that is so surprising considering few days ago i felt like gulping a bottle of obat nyamuk baygon and sleeping for 100 years like Aurora. couldn’t be bothered listening to my friends and couldn’t be bothered smiling. funny life, where a single remark can brighten up your days, oh wait, not a single remark, it’s a single thought, a funny song, and a long sentence! funny how people around us affect us so much and something idyllic sometime is only like a mirage. looks real but damn unreal. next time, try to find an oase instead so you and your camel won’t be dehydrated in the middle of a vast desert.

i vouch for keeping my delighful life where i can eat tons of chocolate bars and drink litres of strawberry banana smoothie without a significant someone telling me not to do so. ah screw you. i hate to stay awake at night and find baggy eyes in the morning. don’t you like seeing me happy? again, i’m rambling on. oh my dearest life, why don’t you come home so we can eat seafood pinggir jalan together. the matter about stomachache or allergies can be sorted later. aight?

oh dad i wish i could talk to you now. been trying to solve my own problems and be as cool-headed as i can but apparently i can’t. remember you told me long time ago that whenever i feel like it’s been too much, don’t just walk away? yes dad. i’m doing it your way but now i wonder where all my pride has gone. i wonder why i should ride on roller coaster while i already feel nauseous. i wonder why i have to eat all those broccoli and turnips while it taste so bland. i wonder why i have to keep on doing something that makes me weary. just because of stupid faith. goddarn faith. now i don’t even know what i’m hanging on to, because perhaps there isn’t any since the beginning. or maybe there is but it’s soo well-hidden. why something that makes you truly happy has to be this hard to get? or it’s only the satisfaction of the pursuit itself while the thing is not really that spectacular? oh God only knows.

lesson’s learned. all these quarrels are just not right.

from thursday to sunday. (in random order).

airport. puncak and muffin-lookalike poffertjes. long conversations. sate padang and soo delighted to finally eat proper food again, not some too-much-MSG chinese food in the streets or fatty broiler chicken in worldwide franchised restos. some friends’ rendezvous and a goddarn hot topic. a brilliant companion (million thanks my dear!) throughout the weekend. congo. breeze and some mid-aged lady from ol’ time. the holiday. a kick-ass ayam goreng and its crisps. abundant laundry. lotsa oleh-oleh. happy tears. brazil trip and a wedding that i missed. a delayed works that needs to be done soon! purple poloshirt and shorts (wicked!). mild and rather rainy weather. ‘digigit buaya’ incident. too many indescribable things and feelings. uh-so i wish to have million, trillion, zillion more weekends like this in the future. and i’m so happy so delighted i could dance all night with a huge grin on my face!

Find time’s never wasted, when it’s ours to kill
I know in all the right places, you’re touching me still
And I swear, I love you..

(In All the Right Places-Lisa Stansfield)