Mindbender

work department

i’m definitely wearing myself down here, some people say just leave the unwanted and the tiring (and low paying ^_^) but it’s not that easy. i’ve got some nice colleagues apart from the annoying ones. i hate the bureaucracy but i love the work. teaching is always be my ultimate passion. i contribute and i am upgraded. sometimes this feels too demanding and feels like i want to breakdown and cry out loud. the other one is soo much fun, i feel like Ally McBeal in longer skirt (and heavier weight of course!). If i could, i would take it full time, but i’ve promised myself to balance, to spare some of your fading idealism by doing more noble thing to the institution that needs me. do they? oh well..

i see people trying to trip over, i see people talk behind my back, i see people try to support but not be able to say anything, i see myself pressurised which never happened before. the thing that i realise is i can’t just walk away if i don’t like it, but i have lack of personal problem solving ability. oh geee help me God. i need to wake up in the morning with enthusiasm to be off working..

past department

still missing co-op around the corner and the old-fashioned Stepney Green tube station. i sometimes imagine myself getting off at Russel Sq, cross the road and buy some cold sandwiches for lunch at the park with Esther, Karl and Joao. when weekend comes, Hoxton Square is the place that lingers where we sometimes go home very late, walki along the commercial road to whitechapel half wasted (or totally trashed?), those good old days. galleries and exhibitions are the things i remember the most as i will get a text from Anette to go to contemporary video artclips and the latest exhibition in the Turbine Hall. the girl night out with Rinita, Jossy and Burcu is always so much fun and ends up talking about guys all night or watch DVD with popcorns in hands.

love department

i’ve got a perfect one. enuff said.

so these are some updates from the past (almost) three months of my life back home. to have my sisters and my mum around, a proper house to live in (and my own crib upstairs!) not a cubicle called flat, and works to make me feel needed. i am blessed.

oh geee!

two entries a day! this is soo not good, this means im in acute level of boredom or.. or.. i just have an unstoppable urge to share! teeheee, oh well i’ll make it really concise i promise. this is about bloody ex girlfriends! blaaaah! hahahaha!

well, i am some guys’ ex girlfriend and i think i always keep myself to be well-behaved (and i’m too proud to woo my ex, cmon i mean, EX? D’OHH?!!) . i mean, i don’t cross the line by annoying my ex’ relationships with their new gurls. urm, i keep in touch with them by ask them to have lunch sometimes or hang out with them and their friends. some of them are my good friends now, even one of them now is dating my best friend and we sometime hang out together. what a strange combination i know, like he’s got "Citta was here" sign on his forehead and she’s got "Hiya! i’m Citta’s best friend and she’s my matchmaker" on hers. woohoo. eh, kidding, but seriously, we’re just fine.

well, when i was overseas, bloody far from my ex, suddenly some gurl out of nowhere scolded me saying that my smses to my ex were not necessary and damn unimportant. i was 15000 miles away from them and she thought i was an ominous danger that would attack anytime. she bombarded me with dozens of emails saying that i didnt need to be in touch with her guy (now her ex) anymore. whoaaa! hold your horses, girlie! that time i thought, d’oh! he’s not even my type anymore and i don’t accept recycles! helloooo.. and that moment, i really couldn’t imagine myself to be that jealous if i were in her position. bloody far fetched.

but can you imagine, your guy, your present lover who sends you mushy smses or flowers or chocolate (eeek!!hahaha) everytime used to bloody kiss other girl (BAH BAH BAH!), had the same capacity of loving her the way he loves you now, or even bigger, once shared his life with her, picked her up and dropped her off anywhere she wanted in order to make her happy (BOOM!), merely to get a nice kiss at the end .. aand.. and she, somewhere out there, even not with him anymore, is still alive?? %$@"!! don’t you feel sometime that u want to drop a bomb on her? especially on those who still text? geee, now i can understand why we have this bloody grudge towards ex girlfriends! hahahaha..

sheeeeeeeessshh what am i writing here? anyway, all in all, i just realise that it IS understandable. we’re girls. sometimes we bitch (and we DO have a reason to be bitchy at least once a month!) and we are emotional. so.. so.. ahh it’s my PMS hormones talking here. nevermind girls. forget it. nevvvverrrminnddd!

ps: this is ONLY a rambling! no implied message or hidden agenda whatsoever. ^o^

been a week this song is played really often. being a commuter with crazy workload and so little time is finally paid off. i don’t juggle being torn apart between two cities, this is such an easy peasy lemon squeezy (yea-huh!!) thing to live through. cuz you know why? ahemm.

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me

Oh, yes, that would be so nice
Should it be, give it me, I can see, that would be nice

(Bebel Gilberto - So Nice)

cuz there is someone who’s samba through life with me. yes it’s goddamn nice.