Mindbender

Ah saya naïf sekali menganggap udara vakum ada artinya. Kalo gelas tidak berisi air itu artinya kosong. Ngga kurang ngga lebih. Kalo orang ngomong doang ya artinya kosong, kecuali ada tindakan lain. Betul toh? Loh kok jadi marah? Nggak sih, cuma setelah sekian lama mengganggap diri sendiri ini realistis dan ngga emosian (yea right!), nyatanya tadi pagi saya bangun dengan keadaan marah.

Cuma satu kalimat di kepala “WTF am I doing to myself?”. Saya tau ini bikin cape hate. Tau kalo saya bakal jadi pihak yang begadang dan menggila, tapi teteeep aja begini. Tunggu hari rabu, toh kamu akan ketemu pengacara-pengacara ganteng di salah satu mall terkenal di ibu kota. Loh apaan sihhh ini? tadi kan lagi ngomongin emotional drought, ckckck, dasar rajanya OOT. Hmm.. saya lelah. Seperti lari keliling sabuga 20 keliling dengan kebiasaan hidup yang penuh asap rokok. Seperti nyetir mobil di Bandung dikala weekend. Seperti baca buku the Pickwick Papers yang penuh deskripsi tapi ujungnya garing.

Saya letih. Mungkin ini saatnya untuk berhenti.

And what I mean by secretly is secretly falling apart. terribly and extremely.

If only..

Living there was way too cool! How the friends make me feel and how the places amaze me. South bank, Tate, V&A, Camden, Finchley Road, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, Guanabara, Hampers, Oxford Street, Piccadilly, British Museum, Russell Square, my lovely dodgy area Mile End and Stepney Green, Hampstead, Wimbledon, Regents Park, Hyde Park, Leicester Square, and lots more places that I will remember for the rest of my life. Way too cool!

As George Michael says..

But hey, I just wanna live my life to the fullest. I don’t care if we’re only good at brief encounters or whatever. Even if we are not meant to be at the end but at least I have a good time. Go for someone whom you love to talk to, and I am now. Or I was?

Before sunset..

Or is it after? Maan I have no clue, but the thing is, being an adult is complicated, even life feels more immediate and you’ve got lots of things going on. Still sometimes I want to be back to my 18, well, for few days not forever. Work, life, love, all the departments seem so knotty.

A local..

Something that can be touched and not some stupid on screen creature. And the one who has the capability who can promise things that he will able to keep. The one that I can be sure that nothing surprising would happen if I hang on to him. Vaguely talked, placidly chatted. Sheesh, what world that I’m living in?

Academic vs Professional..

What’s the biggie? Well, you can say PhD, earning more money, getting married, balanced life, knowing the details of things you only know from books, giving up the idealism, trying something new, experiences that you’re always greedy in looking for. See, I told you, being an adult makes your life soo complex!

These are bits and pieces of what I’m thinking about these past few days.

Rini, Citra, Tika, Sly, Dini, Vina, Esther, Burcu, Rinita, Karl, Joao, Anette, Jossy. My life wouldn’t be the same without you guys. I’ve been missing you all.

so.. *sighs*

after being busy for the job that i’ve always wanted to experience, now i’m really not sure about doing it fot the long run. honestly, the stuff that i studied seemed HEAVEN, on protecting artists’ creativity, work of minds, flash of genius. well well, in the real life, it’s all about bribing the officials for getting patent renewals, protecting foreign investments (which results on having more expensive local prices).

sooo… when i didn’t have professional experience on this field, i wanted this job BADLY and now, after having my own cubicle, a brand new Dell computer, and some people helping my workload, suddenly i have this thought that this thing that i’ve been learning is not heaven at all! no free speech or fair dealing, no no educational purpose or private use, and it’s all about investment and money instead. damn shallow.

heck.. what have i done?

now i’m not sure if i want to do this Patent and Trademark qualification. tough.