Mindbender

…

after being terribly anxious without any reasons for few weeks (but too proud to ask or worse, text) finally after had enough guts, i decided to press the bloody number and say hello, no cold sweat nor stutter, just blurted out some lame peptalk saying how the exam was, how the project was, and we (me, the gurls, et.al) would visit bla bla bla even though i wasn’t sure yet, whatever that popped on my mind and then i hung up the damn receiver. silent for few seconds. relieved.

so the moral is: see, it’s not that hard to put aside your pride and say hi to someone. eventhough it sounds so friggin’ flat and dead well at least you’re not curious anymore.

so this chap is fine. that’s all i want to know. ^^;;

Another topic. Oh dear, this song is still in my head for weeks. Thanks to someone who hit me with bloody baguette when my hands were full. Grrrhh!

"Tuesday heartbreak seem to be a drag,
When you know that you love her especially,
Catch up baby, catch up with my dreams,
Maybe then I can see you all the time."

(Stevie Wonder - Tuesday Heartbreak)

alkisah ada sebuah e-mail nyampe tadi siang.

isinya cuma "Hey! lets go and have a drink this friday, see, i keep my words for telling you if i visit london."

mukanya lupa. cuma inget rambutnya kriwel dan pake kacamata.

namanya juga lupa. cuma inget nama belakangnya soalnya cuma satu syllable.

yah biarin deh, pokonya jumat pergi. kan yang penting senyumnya manis. alaahh..

from east ham incident to a symmetrical thing that i don’t even have a single clue.

ah, maybe i don’t really care if it starts with a £1 movie night, or saturday morning in a food market, or walking along southbank to Tate Britain (bloody far!) only to make silly comments on the paintings. it would be fine, i don’t care how it ends anyhow, as long as we have this wicked thing. aha! lame excuse, but i don’t care, really, you’ll always be remembered as a guy who once said "law makes me fantasizing!" and "law fascinates me!" bloody hillarious. or worse, geeky.

i don’t care if it stays as a coffee session before the class or watching friday french movie at leicester square, as long as we’ll keep in touch after this finishes. because it’s too sad to lose you. yeah, as my flatmate said, you are not the most good looking or fashionable guy in the world, or maybe some of my friends even call you the most surprising asshole of the year because you had never told me the truth before i finally asked, nevertheless, you make me laugh. the rest i don’t care less.

i will never know if a red bush tea momento and queuing for musical tickets early in the morning mean something or mean nothing. and maybe i won’t ask either. i enjoy this wicked thing too much. so i prefer to be oblivious. just share all the fun and stupid jokes we have at starbucks charterhouse square.

so maybe one day, i’ll pass at that place and smile remembering the memories we’ve had there.

(and we only have one more coffee session to go because next week is a bank holiday and the end of term will be on 9th *sigh*)

counting down the time.. in less than 1.5 hr i’m gonna be bloody a quarter of a century! had soo much in my life, experienced lotss, but haven’t felt satisfied yet. need to experience more!

but anyway, lets review!

had crappy part time job which didn’t pay well but it was loads of fun. check.

master’s degree. getting there, with my fingers crossed.

got drunk till i threw up. yes yes. man you don’t have a clue how much i hate it!

got cheated. ahaha, been there!

cheated on someone. yeah, i’m not a saint, what do you expect?

broken up with someone because of some silly reasons. ahaha, yes it feels THAT bitter.

worked for the government and international organisation. check.

had a crush on someone u haven’t even met. yeah, this is how silly i am.

scholarship. check

published articles. check.

read illiad and odysseus. when i was at uni taking my degree. bloody thick as a brick.

party till you drop. done it. fun as long as you do it in a group.

had a wonderful a-whole-day-date-from-dawn-till-dusk with someone who actually has a girlfriend but never admits it. yep, put it on my checklist!

seen Tony Blair right in front of me. check. and i have to admit that he’s damn good looking. with a nice figure as well ^^;;

been to the Royal Court of Justice and seen Da Vinci Code case. check, not that exciting as you think.

hooked up with a "popcorn". check. nightmare.

anything else you want to add up? feel free to leave a comment!

..dan setelah ngobrol ngalor ngidul selama satu jam, dari soal rusa sampe libel sampe gimana cara file sharing yang paling canggih dan tokcer, baru ngeh kalo dia ketawa susah berenti dan keliatan dibalik kacamatanya ada sepasang mata coklat muda dan di ujungnya ada kerutan mirip kaki gagak (crow feet maksudnya, apa siih), mungkin sudah berumur kali ya, ah tapi nggak mungkin, paling juga late twenty, yah cocoklah, sambil ngelamun. iya terus aja ngelamun. giginya putih tanda tidak merokok (atau pake odol mengandung pemutih gigi, ngga tau juga) dan dari jauh mirip siapa ya, aduh ga inget, ntar saya pikir-pikir dulu.

kalo flatmate saya bilang, cewe-cewe developing countries lebih suka yang berkacamata dan keliatan pinter dan cewe-cewe jerman lebih milih footballer atau cowo-cowo berbadan bagus berjaket varsity. iya juga kali, mungkin nerdy guys lebih kepake untuk pembangunan negara kita yang notabene dari dulu ngebangun terus ga maju-maju, punya bapak-ibu perwakilan sebanyak 550 malah berantem terus kaya anak TK, pusing amat. atau mungkin cowo-cowo pemaen bola di indonesia pada item-item dan bau keringet?

ah tapi nggak gitu kali, dimana-mana pasti dari percakapan yang bikin naksir, kalo cakep trus tulalit males banget deh,apalagi kalo udah tulalit trus ngerasa dirinya ganteng, sambil pegang-pegang rambut tiap satumilidetik trus liat pantulan dirinya yang sebenernya biasa-biasa aja di kaca dan beresin gel yang beli satu gratis satu sambil mematut-matut, lelaki kaya gitu mending dikutuk aja laksana kutukan bunga narcissus biar tau rasa.

sedangkal-dangkalnya wanita tidak sedangkal laki-laki yang biasanya cuma liat tonjolan depan belakang trus ngeces ngga tertahankan trus malemnya mimpi seperti di lagu Dave Matthews Band yang judulnya Crash into Me, kalo wanita kayanya kebalikannya, dari ngobrol baru liat-liat, kalo cakep ya alhamdulillah nilai plus, tapi kalo biasa-biasa aja ya ga papa juga sih, bener kan? * "beneer!" kata para wanita bareng-bareng* ngga bohong sih, kita-kita juga seneng kok liat cowo ganteng tapi kan bukan dikomentarin, "whoaa nice bum!" atau "sheesh, look at the boobs!" ya mungkin karena cowo memang tidak punya bemper depan! apa siih!

kenapa lelaki pintar bikin turn on? karena ngga bikin bosen, cuma tampang mirip Josh Hartnett doang lima menit juga bosen diliatin terus-terusan, palingan bikin mulek serasa makan eskrim vanilla ditambah madu, ih! kalo ngobrol kan lebih seru aja waktu melayang, sambil ketawa-ketawa eh taunya ga kerasa udah jam 11 malem saatnya pulang untuk wanita seperti saya yang hidup di zone dua. daah! mudah-mudahan kita bisa ketemu lagi..

–selamat malam untuk kamu yang saya lupa namanya!–

once i saw a couple at heathrow’s departure gate hugging and crying at the same time, they looked miserably sad. the guy was about to get in but a couple of times he went back to the girl and hugged her and kissed her again and again. how sweet. the guy had huge backpack and the woman looked like a professional with her elegant suit, maybe a lawyer, or an accountant, dunno, but anyway, she looked nice.

that thing made me wonder what happened to them, does the guy have a mission in a jungle far far away for a long time so he can’t go back? or does the guy has to go to a war so he can’t promise to be in her side anymore? or maybe his visa expires and and apparently he’s a criminal so he can’t extend it and it makes him not to be able to stay in the UK anymore? ah beats me.

well, i’ve been there, several times, i’ve been the one who’s being left, also i’ve experienced to be the one who left and dissapeared in the departure gate. but i’ve never cried in that kind of situation, i never know how it feels to see the one that i really love just dissapear in front of my eyes and i can’t say a word so i just cry instead, hmm..

once when i left someone at the departure gate, i felt a bit relieved, thank God i’m gonna be apart from him! hahaha! how mean, i felt even more sad to leave my sisters and my mom.

or when i saw my boyfriend (now: ex)  dissapeared at the gate, i felt sad a little bit, but that’s just it, because i knew that time i would see him again.

how does it feel? to see our loved ones just dissapear and you just have to let go? to see the thin partition separating us but can’t get through to reach them, or to ask for only one more minute to hug them but it just impossible, or feel so helpless not to be able to see them for a long period of time and there’s nothing you can do.

beats me.

only want to say i love you for my mum and my sisters, before it’s too late to say it.

A question from my supervisor:

Certainty and predictability of the criminal law- on the other hand fast developing technologies. How do you think a framework of cybercrime legislation in Indonesia should be developed?

my answer:

a. using existing laws, fill the gaps, but risking its fairness and justice

b. make one huge umbrella law, but needs further enactment regulations in the future, too complicated, not a good idea

c. shoot  all the bloody house of representatives members with stun gun to make them work FASTER! bloody hell! why dont you just pass this draft and we’ll live happily ever after, you can have fun with this silly RUU APP and other bloody drafts and i can finish my dissertation! win-win solution, INNIT??

*screams histerically*

ps: anyway, the gay french guy, he is actually a nice guy, we had lunch together at russel square, and he was such a sweet guy, so i take my words back!

Institute of Advance Legal Study Library. Electronic Unit Room. computer 22.

In my narrow and tiny cubicle accompanied by a high-rise (or skyscraper?) lookalike pile of books (i haven’t even read them, just flipped through, skimmed, or whatever it’s called) suddenly i have this horrid thought about my inability to finish my dissertation on time. scary. i have massive revision yet conclusion to be re-written. she said i sounded like in a hurry. yeah i was. my mistake ^^;;

as my fav quote of the day is " well maybe it makes sense in YOUR head", which means those conclusions just don’t make sense for anybody else, dumb-ass!

i have my pages marked with red-colored comments and underlined words from my supervisor asking for further explanation of what i wrote. not easy. this is the real deal. and i chose a vast topic which opens indefinite arguments. never ending. abyss. labyrinth. whatever. and i thought this topic was easy peasy before. it is said that med and law students are most likely to commit suicide. hahaha! yeah that’s me. law school. a bunch of geeks, thick books, journals, statutes and essays. oh! and the friggin best part, case summaries. bloody hell..

*passes out*

oh anyway, have you ever felt like vomiting after reading too much?

ps: hey i really made it sound horrible but actually it isn’t, only a temper tantrum, actually the thing is, i’m in love with my dissertation instead, i even wake up early in the morning and "dissertation" is the first thing on my mind and rush to the library *geekkkssss!* (but after spending the whole day in the library, you deserve to get some fun at night, ay?)

oh yeah and also because i was sitting next to a guy (who absofuckinlutely looked like gay) who browsed for muscly guys in white undies photos on the internet. and that was a public place.oh even worse, Law Library! dear God.

baru baca blog teman saya. namanya mumpuni. ih hebat.

kenapa saya tidak punya kapasitas untuk mencintai dengan tetek bengek segala macem pahit manis dan tetap diam disana? kenapa saya cenderung untuk pergi dan ngeloyor gitu aja kalo semuanya udah mulai butek? Murky. Ih saya nggak suka, mendingan pergi aja daripada pusing. Mendingan mikirin revisi disertasi yang tak kunjung selesai. Ngurusin laki-laki sih kapan seleseinya?

baru MSN sampe jam 4.

Ini namanya kecanduan. Sinting. padahal siapa tuh yang saya ajak ngobrol. ngga jelas juga, belom pernah ketemu lagi. tapi anaknya asik kok. halaahh! jadinya niat baca 4 handouts cuma baca 1, itu juga ga inget apa isinya. niat baik untuk belajar di kala weekend tidak pernah berhasil. terlalu banyak ajakan main. Liat gajah, nonton MI3, makan spaghetti, nge-bar di Guana Bara, slumber party. belum lagi MSN laknat penuh godaan ini. Tolong!

baru dapet e-mail dari tempat yang jauh.

Nah ini apa pula? kok bisa masuk highlight of the day? bercanda ya? mama kamu bisa pengsan kalo tau. katanya mau cowo tipe guy next door tapi dapet email dari Chuck Norris yang suka naek helicopter senyum-senyum ga jelas. lho tapi dia minta diajakin ke bar favorit saya di London, lucu kan? ihh sinting. ati ati gondrong dan ketawanya kaya Count van Count lho. ha. ha. ha. ha. dicicil nggak lepas. ih serem.

baru bikin schoutel.

bangga dong. inovasi terkini schoutel pake mashed potato beli jadi di Co-op. tinggal masukin segala macem, keju, broccoli, frozen vegs yang dimasak dulu trus panasin oven, masukin, tunggu setengah jam, jadi deh. tapi kok schoutelnya benyek begini yak? ini bukan veggie schoutel tapi mush schoutel. alah tapi enak kok. jangan banyak cingcong deh. namanya juga tukang masak pemula.

baru donlod lagu di rumah dini.

katanya IP lawyer. katanya anak hukum. tapi p2p jalan terus. lho kan private use? saya nggak share kok, cuma donlod, itu juga pake komputer orang, jelas IP address orang laen. aman deh. namanya juga anak hukum, harus bisa ngeles. mana lagunya asik-asik. In all the Right Places. Interstate Love Song. Kryptonite. My Grown-up Christmas Wish. mari berdendang!

baru kontak-kontak sama Tika untuk liat gajah bareng.

di St. James Park katanya. bakal ada parade gajah. parade apa? entahlahh, dasar London Happening banget sih. masih aja dateng ke touristy events. sebodo yang penting hati senang. oleh karena itu saya harus pergi sekarang dan berhenti menulis omongkosong ini. tcshuss!

ah mengerikan!

i’ve done this before and now there’s someone doing the same thing to me. i’ve been here! seems soo familiar, scary. it’s like dejavu and now i know how it feels to be in that position. don’t be cruel. play it smooth. and now i know, it feels so nice to be treated like this. like this morning. soo this is how it feels, and feels soo comfy. shushh, don’t be silly! still put your safety net on darling, so you won’t get injured.

bluudy’ell, karma really exists!

*turn on the iTunes, Bobby Caldwell-Crazy for Your Love. aaaawww!* yeah i do have a lame sense of music, so turn it up beybeehh! it boosts my mood and i don’t give a damn!

ahhshoot! now i’m also Craving for Chuck Norris who doesn’t get frostbite but bites frost instead..

what a morning! awe-friggin-some!

**sunny morning in London, a girl sitting at her desk grinning so wide, oblivious with her abundant assignment**